Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Wedding Anniversary

Jackie and I were married September 21, 1985 in a chapel at my alma mater, Siena College, in Loudonville, New York. 

And we lived happily ever after.

The end.

The beginning.

When we met in 1982, I was bipolar.  When we married, I was bipolar.  And now, 27 years later, I still am.  It’s just that no one told me (us) that I was bipolar until 2005.

So why I am what I am has a name.

And yet she married me.

In our early days, I told her about the strange disease my father died of, and how he changed and the damage that did to the family.  I told her I thought I might, might, get it too.

And then I told her that I felt it best I not have children, seeing how bipolar and whatever my father had can be passed along.  This must have concerned her then, as it does now.

And yet she married me.

She saw me depressed, manic, and everything in-between.  She saw my anger, my battles internal and external, how my job affected me.  How my bipolar mother and I stood at odds and yet I had to save her time and again.  My wife saw how it was.

And yet she stayed.

We dealt with the losses of family and friends, being there when we could be, cheering from afar when that was all we could do.  And we stayed together, holding each other close as the world we knew tumbled down.

And then I stumbled too much, and got help.  And she was there, making sure pills were taken, and celebrating a quieter Tom.  But still a laugh riot on occasion.

Then my legs started acting up, that is, going their own way now and then.. Doctor upon doctor, then the diagnosis.  I called her from my car (using Onstar, of course, and I was parked) and I told her over the airwaves.  I have MS, which is what my father had  She did exactly what I thought she would.  She looked it up.  When I got home, the conversation began, and it continues.

And she stays.  Tonight we go to a MS Society presentation on living life to the fullest.

My partner, and my best friend.  We go on together.

I treasure the anniversaries more now. No parties or any of that.  Just the two of us sharing a meal, talking baseball.  Time is our friend and enemy.  She holds me up, I make her laugh, we know its all precious.

 I am still dancing, if only in my head sometimes. And she stays.  I am blessed.  Happy anniversary.
More to come.  Thanks for reading.

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