Sunday, January 17, 2016

You know you're moving when....

1.  The ugly microwave has been banished to the garage on show days, so you have to go out to the unheated garage to warm up your coffee. By the time I get back inside, the coffee's cold again.

2. We have vacuumed the carpet in places we didn't know we had carpet.

3. Will we be judged by how the toilet paper feed is topside or downside?

4. No, the Buddha is not for sale.

5. Pay no attention to the holes in the outside wall.  If anyone tries to cover them up, large woodpeckers will perform scenes from Hitchcock's "The Birds."  You've  been warned.

6. Look through the garage and find six lawn chairs.  And two more hanging on the far wall. And four more in the shed. Twelve outdoor chairs? We've never had 12 people here in 29 years.  And the balcony at our new place is about three feet wide, and three floors up.   We'll be lucky to FIT 12 people in the new place.

7. I can't find the power cord for, well, just about anything. We were told by the real estate agent to hide all wires, and we did it so well, nothing works.  I did find my Mac power cord in my underwear drawer.

8. I think its weird that we sign a contract with people we don't know and give them permission to bring other people we don't know into our home and then ask these strangers if our place is goof for them.  And then they say "No".

9. We started our December tree decoration by bringing in four boxes of stuff.  On January 6, we took down the holiday spectacle. We now had six boxes.  We bought two small ornaments all season.  Why are there two more big boxes of stuff?

10. Just as bad as strangers walking around our house is we have to ask big financial houses for a mortgage to pay off what will owe for the condo.  We just saw "The Big Short".  Be worried.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Time to say Goodbye - just where is that door again?

In last year's final post, I'd talked about our pending move from our house to a condo for the over 55 crowd that does yet need to wear a diaper (unless you like that sort of thing or you are two years old, but able to read, in which case there's a spot for you on cable television).  We are still in our house and the goal (condo) is still empty.

Money time.

That's the Bentley, in the spring.  The goal is to be there by the time the trees , buying and selling property is (or should be) an Summer Olympic event - high hurdles for the middle aged....

Cue Olympic music...

In Lane One, the Bentley agent, shaking hands with everyone on the track, and asking "Isn't it a great day?" Back on his track slot, he waves at the crowd and dangles a key ring at the group.  "Just don't embarass us!"

In Lane Two, the real estate agent who is handling both the purchase of the condo and the sale of our home.  She has opted to run in both directions at the same time, while talking on her iPhone. She 's focused on both goals, and we have an ambulance standing by.

In Lanes Three and Four, the photographer and the closer respectively.  The closer, in Lane Four, will be assuring that all attendees today are looking their best, and making sure no one has left any wires or silly things out.  Please remove from your area all clutter and hide this clutter in places where three months from now you'll be surprised what you've got.  Lane three's Photographer will trail behind the closer, and take pictures of everything around her.  Please stand where you are and act like a couch. No fidgeting.

And in Lane Five, the lucky couple who are depending on all the other racers so that they can beat or at least tie, the runner who is in Lane 6 who wants to buy the couple's house, should that runner ever arrive.

And there is no one in the sixth lane.

The real estate agent in Lane Two calls out on "On Your Mark!"

The couple turns in surprise. "What?"

"Get ready!"

"Wait!" the couple calls as they reached for their cleaning supplies. "We're not ready!"

"Not ready?" says the agent. "I'll just sell it to other people.  Great day, huh?"


The couple turns to see a line of people behind them.  "Come on", said the one in the front, "get out of the way! We're looking for houses!

And the race is on. The couple just stands there.  "What?"