Thursday, May 3, 2012

A For Instance

Now I have not yet gotten into the conditions of both bipolar and MS, but I can tell you that today, over the last few days, was a bipolar day. I think it had to do with the reduction (okay, ending) of Klonopin in my system, because I just ran out of it. Klonopin takes about 18-50 hours to leave your system, but the small amount I take skedaddled out of me soon. It was just two days, but that was enough. I noted in the previous post that Monday was rather "cloudy" for me, and last night, as also noted, I hardly slept at all. So today I was not quite as "cloudy", but I was manic. This is one half of the bipolar nightmare (and the other is depression).


In the manic phase of bipolar disorder, feelings of heightened energy, creativity, and euphoria are common. People experiencing a manic episode often talk a mile a minute, sleep very little, and are hyperactive. They may also feel like they’re all-powerful, invincible, or destined for greatness.

Also, for added entertainment, you can have delusions, hallucinations (though this is rare), but really with impaired judgement. This morning in a burst of energy ( sleep.. burst of energy) I was cleaning a curio cabinet in the bedroom. On the top shelf is a 10 inch tall glass angel that was my mother in law's and now resides in our home. I dusted the angel's shelf and moved on to some lower levels. I leaned back and then suddenly I felt something flick by the bill of my baseball cap on its way by to the carpeted floor. The angel had taken a flyer off the shelf, and had nearly come down upon my head, which would have done some damage. And things aren't going too well in there already.

I replaced the angel on its shelf and even made sure everything was returned to its original place. I would have replaced the dust if I could. And through out the morning I kept looking at that angel, hoping it would remain sedately in prayer and not looking at me. If you are a fan of Doctor Who, the most recent series, you may know of the Weeping Angels who sneak up on you. Don't blink. It was like that. I had the thought all morning that that angel was watching me from everywhere in the house, that I'd offended Someone and they were letting me know that. Paranoia and delusion triumphant. Later, at physical therapy, I found myself leaping around the pool, not using the step ladders and keeping a very immature feeling. The therapist was not amused, and I felt terrible. I got home, took my Klonopin and tried to relax, letting things go. No nap, but more back to me.

I owe someone an apology. That angel fell to warn me, perhaps. My physical therapist has helped me in many ways, working with me not only on land (gym) and water (pool), but using her reiki talents to help battle my inner demons as a True Angel did once before.

For me, MS means More Slowly. I think of the people who have come into my life to help during this time, friends who have drifted off, family unsure of their place. But I look for Angels, even when they fall off the shelf, or I do. We'll catch each other.

More soon.

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